It’s hard to try and write when the boys are constantly making my job difficult.
It’s awkward behind the scenes again.
Eleanor finally left, thankfully, so Princess Harriette did perk up for a bit. Niall hasn’t been perky at all however, the boy seems exhausted. He muttered something about paper thin walls before falling to sleep as I carried him to the car.
However, during the concert Louis changed the lyrics to Valerie. He told me he didn’t mean anything by it - I have to agree, nobody we know has auburn hair - but Harry took great offence. When we got back on the bus he sat on his bed with icecream sobbing along to ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele.
Liam is trying to work out how to do a twitcam with no WiFi. Zayn is back in the bath. Niall is trying to sleep. Louis is flicking through Cosmo deciding who wore it better. Harry is trying to find his iPod so he can listen to ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’ on repeat.
I think I should go.
Pauly Boo xxx
I’m so sorry it’s been so long!
Yesterday we started back on the concerts. I had to drag Zayn out of the bath after 11 days, which was not pretty, I assure you! DJ Malik had to go ‘lay down some beats innit’. I believe the long water exposure has made him regress into his previous Bradford Bad Boy persona.
Rumour have come out about Princess Harriette and some other old woman (I thought we’d never have to go back again after the Flack incident, but apparently not) so as you can guess, there’s been tension. Not only that, but Harry decided to further exacerbate the situation by almost kissing Niall on stage.
Once the concert was over, I held Louis in my manly arms as he sobbed about how he was ‘half a virgin’ when he met Harry, and asked why Harry would do this to him. I nodded my head sagely and told him things would be better in time. Louis smiled and walked over to his dartboard that he keeps with photos of everyone involved in keeping Larry Stylinson under wraps on (well I say dartboard, he actually throws shoes at it) and took my photo off.
Pauly Boo xxx
It’s been a busy time. Management has really cracked down and the fans are overwhelming me! Rest assured, you will be updated very soon.
It appears Louis and Princess Harriette have made up, thank god. I don’t know how much more screeching I could take, I already have enough of that from my fans at concerts. Did I tell you that now, I, The Security Master, need a bodyguard? I always knew it would happen one day, but I expected it to be when I was old and frail but still devastatingly handsome.
Anyway, at approximately 3am I heard odd noises from the back of the tour bus and went to investigate. I found Harry asleep curled into Louis’ chest, and Louis glaring at me. He then growled at me, “Back up bitch”. However I am accustomed to his sassy ways and did not lose my cool. I simply stared back with my most menacing look until he looked away. Who exactly backed up? Not the HiggaNigga.
Niall’s twitter got hacked, and of course hilarity ensued. Not only did the hacker advertise a diet supplement (you’d think they’d pick someone other than the skinniest shit in the band to hack) but Niall then tweeted a swear word, causing management to jump on him. I applaud the boy though for having the guts to swear, get in trouble, but still only be concerned about where the next food stop is. He shall make a good Security Successor.
Anyway Diary, I must go. Liam has forgotten how to spell the password to his twitter.
Pauly Boo x
I’ve been telling Simon it should be Paul Direction for a while.
The boys are currently on stage, so of course this is prime time to get today’s diary over and done with.
Last night, there was quite a bit of drama in the hotel. In a picture that surfaced yesterday, it appeared there was a lovebite on Louis’ neck, and people began to jump to conclusions (just going to mention as the security master, there was nothing else that could have caused that bruise). Management obviously wasn’t happy about this, so they stepped in to talk with Louis and Princess Harriette, and of course this upset them. They wanted to curl into my huge biceps and cry about the unfairness of their predicament, however I told them that the show must go on, and so it did.
However, at the concert, Harry was displeased by the predicament a small mexican girl found herself in and gestured at security to move her forwards. Louis being Louis took this as a personal slight (I believe he thought that it was an attractive cougar that Harry may have been interested in?) and once we returned to the hotel, flounced off into his room leaving Princess Harriette in shock. I had to carry him bridal style to the room and dump him in there to cry, as I couldn’t have him lowering my street cred. People would get the wrong idea.
Anyway, a shouting match began. I can’t remember their full conversation, but particularly memorable snippets were “you just wait until I rip that fucking curly weave out of your head you absolute slag” and “shut the fuck up you sassy bitch before I jam it up your arse”. Who knows what will go down in the hotel tonight?
Niall, Liam and Zayn were particularly well behaved. I believe they knew I was on edge and would go all Incredible Hulk on them if provoked. Niall is turning out to be a promising protege, he managed to get halfway through my HiggaNigga assault course before collapsing.
Pauly Boo x
shit what did i just do
the paul higgins diary caused me to do this i think
um pix are from the paul higgins tag here on tumblr
hahaha omg this is amazing
If you’ve ever heard of the song Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, follow the instructions in that and you’re on your way to becoming as great as me.